So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
