Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i jhust puked up my retainher.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
