Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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