we have pet lesbian snakes
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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