they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
