??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize