i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize