yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
