I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
