dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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