Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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