Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
