Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
