why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
