remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
