1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
