she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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