Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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