wakey wakey hands off snakey
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
