I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
