I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize