You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
