like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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