Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
