dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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