apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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