It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
