Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Randomize