she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
