id be glad to
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize