and my herpes radar will keep us safe
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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