let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
