he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
