To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
