so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
