Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize