She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
