Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
