happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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