she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I met the friendliest cop last night
We named our party play list daddy issues
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
