everyone is single if you try hard enough
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
