I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
