he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Randomize
