he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
