so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
