But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
