Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
