just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize