Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
