I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Randomize
