Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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