i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
