He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
