At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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