even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
high people should be assigned attendants
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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