I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
