Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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