We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
