As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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