you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
