tell your sister to shave her snatch
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize