i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
