Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
