Can Purell be used as lube?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
