quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
