yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Randomize
