dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
