soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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