Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
