Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
You pole danced in your parka.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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